Author Archives: Charity Hawkins

Easing In

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This week we started easing in to our school routine. It went amazingly well. I’m not really sure why.

Oh, well, probably because things are still novel and interesting. I’m sure the complaining will start back up again soon.
Here were my goals for the week:

1.  Work on Sleep/Wake Routine.  I wanted to get us sticking to a
consistent bedtime and waking up time. Watching gymnastics until 11 p.m. was
not in the plans, but other than that we did pretty well.  

(I had been trying to get up before the kids to work out, because though I get really irritated at Jillian Michaels yelling at me, at least it wakes me up, and I get my irritation out on her instead of my kids. The Olympics is ruining that plan though, because I have to get to bed earlier. Maybe next week.)

 2. Try out School Schedule/Routine/Checklists – I wanted to see if the schedule I had planned was realistic.  I realized some things worked better in a different
order, so I tweaked the routine a bit. (For example, I decided to do Bible with breakfast in the kitchen and go on our walk right afterwards.)

I wanted to get the kids into their new habits.  For example, math is in the
kitchen with Mom; if it’s not your math time, you need to stay out of the
kitchen.

No, really, you need to stay out of the kitchen.

I know you want to see what we’re doing, yes, but it’s not your turn right now, so you seriously need to stay out of the kitchen.

Sometimes it takes a while to get the idea.

3. Discipline. The six- and eight- year old did pretty well, but we still worked on the concepts of a) listening to me when I was talking b) giving a respectful answer and c) actually doing what I asked.  They weren’t being blatantly disrespectful, they just needed some practice.

My  two-year-old, however, was being blatantly disrespectful. We worked on all kinds of
things: sitting quietly at meals and not yelling or banging his fork, not yelling
“Mommy, you’re mean!” not telling me no when I ask him to do something, and not
throwing baseballs at his brother.

He went to his pack-n-play a lot this week.

But that’s okay; it’s to be expected. He has to learn that he really does have to obey. We had lots of sweet cuddle and reading time too, but I know I have to let him know I mean what I say or the whole year will go downhill.

We’ll work on it for a few weeks, but that part should get better as he learns what to expect.

THE RESULT

Those were my main goals. I didn’t really care if we got any school done.

But you know what? We got SO much school done! I think because I wasn’t stressed about it, and I just made sure we did our routine each day, we actually accomplished a lot. Go figure!

Also, I didn’t have a car so we were stuck at home all week.

I think this was a good thing. I wasn’t able to decide to go to the park (and take myself by Starbucks on the way) or go do whatever else because I thought it sounded like more fun. It was actually lovely.

I’m seriously considering asking my kids to hide my keys every other week so we would be forced to stay home. Or maybe my husband could hide the keys, so that I’d have hope of ever finding them again.

Anyway, it was a great week. We just sort of slowly worked through our day, stopping when we needed to for birthday parties in the hallway.

Despite Monkey’s lingering double-sprained-ankle injury, she had a lovely time.

(This is the Monkey for whom my daughter wanted to buy a rolling bin as a wheelchair. Poor Monkey has had to soldier through without it.)

All in all, a lovely week.  Now, don’t misunderstand me, we still had plenty of tears, fighting, messes and issues. But it’s getting easier as the kids get older.

(I was talking to a mom last night who will be embarking on her second year of homeschooling. She was telling how hard last year was and I told her, “Yeah, the first year is just terrible. I mean, it’s great too, but it’s so ridiculously hard. It gets easier. This year will be so much better.” So that’s what I’m saying. It gets easier.)

Here’s an example: I had a brainstorm Monday morning that maybe I could read the Bible on the kitchen couch while the kids ate their breakfast (peanut butter and jelly sandwiches). I didn’t actually expect it to work.

Last year Bible time was an exercise in frustration, people crying, fighting over who got to sit in my lap, spilled milk, and my toddler trying to fling himself backwards off the couch just for fun. It was horrible. Almost every day.

But this week, do you know what they did? They sat. They listened. (My toddler whined about wanting to read David and Goliath every day, but eventually he acquiesced.) They ate their breakfasts.

I’m still in shock.

So. There you go. I’m not sure I’m actually living in my house, and I’m not sure how long this will last, but so far, so good.

 

 

 

{ rest }

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Once a month or so, I want to simply share a picture and words of truth. It is a reminder to all of us to take time and space in this frantic world to take a breath,
drink deeply of God’s goodness, and just rest. It’s okay.

He is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear? He is the
stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid?  Psalm 27:1

Homeschool Planning

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You know what really motivates me to plan for the upcoming year? Panic.

I looked up and there was our co-op starting date staring me down.

I had been thinking we would start school after Labor Day because, you know, I wasn’t really in the mood to do school yet. Then I realized our
co-op begins August 17th, which means we need to start getting into our routine Monday, August 13th.

Ouch.

We’re not even done with potty training yet. Poop and school really do not mix, so I need to do something about that as well.

Anyway, back to planning. That’s what I’ve been doing for about ten hours today (I had a babysitter). My brain hurts. I’m still not done.

There are about a million ways to plan a homeschool year, and all kinds of lists and schedules I make, but I wanted to share my three favorite tools. They are simple and they’re what made last two years run much better than the first two for us.

Planning Tool #1 – Checklists (these might get tweaked as the year goes on)

My son (8) and daughter (6) had a checklist for their language arts stuff last year. This saved my sanity.

My son figured out that if, instead of whining and complaining, he would just do the work and check it off the list he’d get to escape the dungeon (schoolroom) that much sooner.

The checklist works so well, in fact, that I decided to make another one. We do Bible and math downstairs, then take a walk, then go upstairs for language arts, so I made a
checklist for each.

Here they are. Feel free to use them if you would like. I left them in Word so you can modify as needed.

Checklist: 1st Grader (mostly math)
Checklist: 3rd Grader (mostly math)
Checklist: 1st Grader (mostly Language Arts)
Checklist: 3rd Grader (mostly Language Arts)

Just for fun: checklist for my 3 year old. (He’ll turn 3 on August 17th.) Mostly so he doesn’t feel ignored.

Planning Tool #2 – Weekly Lesson Plan (these will hopefully not change too much as the year goes on)

I printed off 40 of these babies, punched holes in them and put them in my pretty little 3 ring binder. Then I sat there for about 3 hours today willing myself to keep going and fill them out.

Last year I kept about a month at a time of these lesson plans on the fridge in those big magnetic clips. It really helped me look at the whole week at a glance and know what was coming up.

Here’s the other great thing—they kept me on track. I knew that if I didn’t do that week’s spelling lesson, I’d have to rearrange something later on to adjust for that and it was less work to just suck it up and do the spelling lesson already.

I also like having a “plan” column and an “actual” column, because learning opportunities come up that I wasn’t planning on, and I can write them down.

{Oh, VERY important! I have “catch-up” weeks designated throughout the year. If we’re actually on track, then it’s a fun week of going to the library or whatever. If we’re behind, it gives a chance to catch up. Otherwise, this planning the whole year out would be a nightmare, because you’re always going to get behind. So I have about 6 catch-up weeks that coincide with fall/spring break, a couple extra in December/January, and a few at the end. I don’t get stressed out if we’re a bit behind because I know I’ve got some catch-up time planned.}

Here’s my version of a weekly lesson plan. Feel free to use this if it’s helpful.

Weekly Lesson Plan

Planning Tool #3 – Lists

I still like plain old lists for planning. We won’t follow these reading lists exactly, but they give me a place to start. I made the lists based on a combination of Sonlight, Ambleside, Honey for a Child’s Heart, and what I thought my children would enjoy. I also tried to have a good mix of boy and girl books.

Reading List – Chapter Books (Mostly I read, they might help a bit.)

ReadingPlan_Independent – (My 3rd grader will do (theoretically) during Rest Time.)

There you go! I’m all planned out. Hopefully those are helpful. Oh, and if this is your first year, just remember that things will rarely (and possibly never) go according to your plan. But that’s okay. It’s still good to have a place to start, remembering that we may plan our way, but God directs our steps.

Feel free to comment if you have any questions about any of that. IEW means Institute for Excellence in Writing, HWT means Handwriting without Tears, CC means Classical Conversations and I don’t know if I used any other confusing acronyms. Comment or email me with any questions!

I got the idea to do this because the Schoolhouse Review Crew is doing a “blog hop” this week. I’m NOT one of their official “crew” but I thought the topics they were writing about sounded fun.

If you want to read more about planning, start at Sam’s Noggin or Christine’s blog, then click on any of the links at the bottom, in the “linked up” area.

 

 

 

 

 

In Praise of Dirt and Sticks

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Have you noticed all the great “summer fun” ideas floating around on blogs? There are some wonderful ideas, but a lot seem to involve quite a bit of time, materials, or preparation from the parent.

I’m not against any of that, but what would happen if we just let our kids play in nature?

Mine seem to think it’s pretty fun.

Sometimes we fall into the trap of thinking we need to entertain our kids. Often, some good dirt and a big stick will do. When we visited my sister in Texas (back in the cooler spring), we went a few mornings to the pond near their house. The kids found lots of ”fun activities” to do. Here are the things they came up with, with absolutely no adult interference.

  1. Throwing rocks into the pond.
  2. Throwing sticks into the pond.
  3. Gathering rocks.
  4. Gathering sticks.
  5. Having sword fights with sticks.
  6. Trying to find the frog we heard.
  7. Finding a tiny frog.
  8. Looking at butterflies.
  9. Looking at ducks.
  10. Digging with sticks in the dirt. (Making a river.)

 

 

 

 

 

12. Playing in the wildflowers
13. Pretending to be lost in the “Flower Forest” (those tall yellow ones)
14. Running and hiding and jumping out to scare the other kids.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was a good reminder to me of how much they love being outside, how serene they are when they’re there, and how much learning can take place. We did several Nature Days in the spring, before it got too hot.

In the summer we tend to go outside in the mornings or evenings to beat the heat, or go swimming.

Some Nature activities we’ve done lately (some on cooler days):

-Blue Hole – a natural spring-fed swimming place, like playing in a creek. Awesome.
- Fed ducks at a nearby pond
- Went to a friend of a friend’s farm and fed the chickens, saw goats, and a donkey. This day was a huge hit.
- Went to a normal park in town, but the kids played down in the creek and tried to catch tiny minnows or crayfish.

Other Nature activities we’ve done in the past:
- Driven 45 minutes to a nearby lake with a state park for the day. Ate a snacky lunch and McDonald’s on the way, so I didn’t have to pack too much.
- a local museum is free for kids and has an incredible garden, some cultivated, some more wild. We just pay the adult fee, $8.50.
- gone to a sheep farm, Shepherd’s Cross sheep farm in Claremore (we go spring or fall)
- picked strawberries, blueberries, and blackberries.

As I plan out this upcoming school year, I have every other Thursday planned as a Nature/Science day where I’d like to get the kids out of the city, go to a lake or other wild place, and hopefully play, then do a nature journal (we are studying birds this year so I’m hoping to have them make a bird journal).

As you plan your school year, think about where you’d like to take your kids. Are there state parks within an hour’s drive? Mountains? Lakes? Even a duck pond in town can be a nice lunchtime break on a school day. Is there a way to incorportate whatever science you’re studying? A Nature journal is a great way, or looking at field guides to find birds or animals, or making a Tree or Bird Book of whatever they observe!

September and October are perfect weather around here. (If you live in Alaska, now might be the perfect time!)

How do you like to get your kids out in Nature?

For more reading on this, I highly recommend Richard Louv’s Last Child in the Woods: Saving Our Children from Nature-deficit Disorder.

 

What Summer Reading Looks Like at Our House

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My son read to me while I cooked eggs.

Of course things aren’t as orderly as I planned, but we do get a lot of reading done in the summer. The long, hot days mean we spend extra hours inside most days, so July and August are some of our prime reading months. (January and February are also big reading months for the opposite reason.)

Here’s what that looks like at our house:

1. Before breakfast –  Whichever child wakes up first staggers out to the kitchen and groggily lays on the kitchen couch while I read.Lately it’s been my eight-year-old son and we can read a chapter book (right now, The Horse and His Boy, the 3rd Narnia book) uninterrupted.  Often we get a good twenty minutes in before someone else wakes up. Whoever wakes up first gets to pick the book.

2. During lunch – This does not happen every day, but a couple times a week I might read the kids a book during lunch.  I have been choosing picture books so everyone is interested, one with a story they know. I often retell it, using my own words instead of reading every word. (I eat bites while they look at pictures, or sometimes I eat before or after them.) I do this more so they’ll be quiet and eat and not bicker, but I’m sure there’s value in the reading too!

The basket on the left is for library books; the one on the right is for our own.

3. After lunch- Often on the living room couch. Sometimes I read again that book we did at lunch, but I read the actual words, not my retelling.

4. Before naptime – This is pretty much mandatory. I read two or three picture books upstairs to my toddler before he goes down for his nap. (If the books are long or above his level, I paraphrase a bit.)

My toddler's books in the living room. There's another basket upstairs for before naptime.

5. Rest time 
My six- and eight-year-old read in their rooms during rest time, sometimes. I was planning for this to be when they do their 30 minutes of independent reading each day, but I need to enforce it, plus I’m out of easy chapter books right now for my son. So that’s my fault. But when I remember, my son sits in his beanbag chair and reads.

(My daughter is supposed to look at books and read what she can, but like I say, I haven’t been checking up on her.) Sometimes she listens to books with CDs when I am organized enough to get them from the library, but you know about my library issues this summer.

Our favorite easy chapter books we’ve found this summer are these Imagination Station ones. They are a lot like Magic Treehouse, but with actual Christian history mixed in.

6. When somebody’s sad – If someone has been crying and needs some Mommy attention, reading is a great excuse for a little cuddle time. Especially for my eight-year-old who often thinks he’s too big for such things.

Oh, those sweet sweeties. Melts my heart.

7. Before bed – this is almost mandatory as well. We skip it only when we’re running really late. My toddler gets two to three books out in the living room before bed with either Mom or Dad. The older two get a few pages of a chapter book, either read to them or on CD with the other parent.

The chapter book we’re reading now, The Horse and His Boy (3rd Narnia book), is very complicated with plot and vocabulary, so it would be too confusing to listen to on CD. We’re reading it a few pages a night, and stopping often to explain vocabulary or recap what’s going on.

8. Audio books In the car-  The other day we went swimming out at Blue
Hole, and the hour drive out and back was enough to almost finish The Whipping Boy. My son had read it earlier this year, partially by himself, so this was a great chance to review and go over some things he hadn’t understood, and I wanted to hear it too.

I do have to say, the audio books work much better when my two-year-old is not in
the car or when he’s asleep. The other day I put in an audio book  and he slapped
his tiny baby forehead and moaned, “Not again!” He likes his music.

9. Waiting at the doctor’s office - We actually haven’t done much of that this summer, but whenever we do go, I try to bring a backpack with some books.

Okay, I think that’s about it.  And full disclosure, we’ve gotten very little math done. I was planning to do flash cards every day, but that has not happened. Sigh. I need to work on that. Oh, and I was going to work on some summer writing activities, which has not happened either. So many things, so little time. Anyway . . .

What does summer reading look like at your house? Any favorite times or places?

7 Cleaning Tricks from a Former Messie

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Living Room “After” (I forgot to take a “Before”)

As a child I was ”the neat one”; I remember carefully hanging my
outfits on hangers labeled with the days of the week. I alternated between organized and messy for years, finally to be overcome by chaos  when I had my first child. I just couldn’t see the point of picking up toys ten times a day, only to have them strewn about again. I think part of this was perfectionism, and I just gave up, feeling  overwhelmed with life.

Over the last eight years, I’ve asked many wise (and clean) moms for their advice on managing a home, and found what works for them and for my family.  Our family still has busy times where chaos takes over, but things are much better. We are trending upward.

For me, part of getting ready to go “back to school” is getting the house in order. This summer has been a whirlwind of trips and houseguests, so this past Friday afternoon, when the kids went over to their grandparents’ house for the day, I knew I wanted to use that time to clean. Here are some tricks that help me, a reformed Messie:

1.  Have a Plan – I took ten minutes to think through my list and prioritize what I needed to do. I tend to get distracted, so working from a list really keeps me on track. My top four items on the list were: 1) Put away all clutter from trips 2) clean living and dining room 3) clean laundry room and 4) clean out my disgusting SUV.

2.  Make it fun – I listened to a DVD while I sorted books in the living room and picked up living and dining rooms. I often listen to Dave Ramsey or a homeschooling CD, but then, I’m a nerd. Music would work well too. It just makes the whole thing kind of fun instead of tedious.

 3. One room at a time- This makes the whole process much faster because I’m not running all over the house. It keeps me focused on the task. Also, it gives such a sense of accomplishment. I can see all my hard work has paid off in that one lovely space, even if the rest of the house is a pit of despair. Seeing that beauty and calm inspires me to keep going.

laundry room (clean)

4. Treat clutter as a separate thing- When I was cleaning the living room, I put anything that didn’t belong in that room in the Clutter Basket. I dealt with it at the end. That way I didn’t have to stop to make decisions. I just scooped things into the basket.

4b. When I  get to putting away the clutter, I work biggest to smallest.  Backpacks (big) were put away first. LEGOs (tiny) waited until the end. Getting rid of the big things meant the room was cleaner faster, and I didn’t get bogged down in sorting tiny junk.

5. Make the kids help – I put away some of the clutter, but saved some for them. This is because a) it’s only fair b) teaches them to have responsibility for their own stuff and c) they keep the room cleaner when they know they’ll have to help clean it up.

6.   Have a reward for myself at the end- I had
more on my list, but I took a break and ran errands (bank, library and Starbucks) after I finished task #4: cleaning out my revolting car.

I think that promise of an iced latte was the only thing that kept me going.

  1. 7. Enjoy it.
    That evening, I sat in the clean living room and watched a movie (very rare). I try to always take a deep breath and enjoy the peace. When the kids help me, I have them look around and take a deep breath and exclaim over how nice it is. It helps us all  recognize that the effort is worth it and we really do feel calmer and happier in a clean room.

The biggest single factor that helps my rooms stay clean is  decluttering. But that’s another topic for another day. Let me just say that as I’ve given away (or thrown away) vast quantities of stuff this summer during my Organizing Extravaganza, it has gotten easier to keep things neat. The kids’ rooms stay MUCH cleaner when they have less junk. It really inspires me to keep it up.

What cleaning tips do you use to motivate yourself? Do share!

Drop Thy Still Dews of Quietness

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Another of my favorite cabinet quotes:

Drop thy still dews of quietness
till all our strivings cease;
take from our lives the strain and stress,
and let our ordered lives confess
the beauty of Thy peace.
- John Greenleaf Whittier

Why are our lives so often not ordered? I think when mine is not it’s often because I’m afraid to say ‘no’ or I’m afraid of what other people will think (failure). So, this year I want to purposefully say no to the things that are not highest on my priority list and focus on the things that are. That means, for me, less computer time, less writing. More keeping up with my house, more making soup, more sitting on the couch reading with my kids.

How about you? What things have you cut out to have a more ordered, less stressful life?

How to Rack Up a Library Fine of $260

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Plan to take thirteen children’s books back to the library.
Put them in your handy dandy library bag in your car.

Lose the bag.

There you go!

The whole story is a bit more complicated. We had the bag in
the car. We went to church. At church someone tried to break into our car (note
to self: don’t “hide” purse under front seat. Thieves can still see it!). (Also, as I read this over, I wanted to point out–it wasn’t a fellow church-goer who tried to break in to the car! Our church actually has security for the parking lot on Sunday mornings because thieves make the rounds of church parking lots on Sundays.)

A great friend chased off the villain before he nabbed my
purse, and I’m so thankful, but we were still left with two broken windows. My dear
husband took the car the next evening to the car wash to vacuum out all the
tiny shards of glass. Two weeks later, after we unpacked the car from our trip to Colorado, we realized we were still missing that library bag.

We checked with all the libraries we had visited recently,
but nothing. My theory is that my husband took the bag out when he was vacuuming
the car and forgot to put it back in (it was night time and the bag is dark
so it would blend in). I kept thinking if the books were left at the carwash,
someone would surely turn them in, right? Nope, apparently not.

My husband’s new theory is that the thief broke into our car, wrested the door open (no one reports this fact), decided to leave my purse, and make off with the bag of library books. (No one reports the perpetrator staggering to his van with an overflowing bag of library books either.)

I’ll let you decide which seems the more logical theory.

In any case, the books are gone. Thirteen books, with an average replacement cost of $20 each. The librarian I talked to about it wouldn’t even give me a set fine he just said I
had to talk to the manager and beg for mercy.

I plan to do that today.

Mommy’s Having a Meltdown

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I have my breakdowns in the spring. As surely as you can count on daffodils and the NCAA tournament, you can count on my very own Mommy March Madness.

My husband is a  CPA, which means from mid-January to mid-April, he’s working late and on weekends.

You wouldn’t think this is breakdown-inducing, but it really is. It means this spring I had responsibility for the children from morning, when I was awoken from my groggy stupor by a crying toddler, to bedtime, when I had to get teeth brushed and people into bedrooms all by myself.

This year, I thought I was doing better. I’d been making myself go to the YMCA twice
a week for a break, and trying to focus just on the basics. All was going well. I made it through March, Praise the Lord!

Then I started thinking about roses. I had a friend over from church to help me
figure out what to do with our backyard. I’m not sure why I thought this was a
critical activity that week, but for some reason I did. I had this vision of my
backyard fence covered Nantucket-style in climbing roses. It was far, far from that. But something about spring and seeing buds and flowers, and the gorgeous roses I did have on the few struggling plants made me want to get things going in the backyard.

That was a bad idea.

Because when my friend came over what she did was gasp in alarm at the current soil, and weeds, and bushes growing out-of-control, and then recommend lots of amending the soil and digging, and replanting, or hiring someone to do all these things.

Although I’m sure she’s right, I cannot imagine trips to the nursery, and lugging home big bags of pine fines, whatever that is, and the kids “helping me” and getting covered in dirt, and then not only having landscape items on my to-do list, but adding floor-cleaning and many, many baths. It was starting to stress me out even thinking about it.

That same week I had to make calls to get tax receipts that I had somehow misplaced (or thrown away); try to make dinner, which always seemed to be a problem; stay caught up with school to finish out the year; try to be nice to my children who were fighting again; think about when I was going to go to the post office; and when was I going to return something to Macy’s; and when was I going to get shoes for the kids for Easter, because all we had was old tennis shoes and outgrown ones from last year, and you all know a five-minute errand without children takes about seven hours with children; and I had too many things on my list and no time in which to do them.

I got very, very impatient, because you know, I had ten thousand things to do. My
children seemed to be so incredibly sloooow with every task, and my son wanted to stop in the middle of math to tell me about R249768APq99 or whoever his favorite Star Wars droid was. And I tried to make myself care, while I tried to ignore my toddler throwing puffballs from his Busy Bag all over the carpet. I tried.

And then I tried to calmly explain for the two-hundredth time to my six-year-old that forty-two came before forty-three.  Before.

“What do you mean, before?” she asked, as if I were speaking Latin. “You know,” I said,
trying to breathe deeply, “before.” That same “before” as it was yesterday, and the day before.

None of this was my children’s problem or fault; I fully realized this. It was all
totally mine. They were just being kids. But what happened after that
particularly long and painful math time is I start comparing myself to others.
I started thinking, “She’s six. She’s finishing kindergarten. She doesn’t know
that forty-two comes before forty-three? My oldest knew that at age 3. I’m sure all the other kindergarteners know that. Have I not taught her anything this year? Have I been totally overlooking her? I’m a terrible teacher. She would have learned much more in school.”

You know those thoughts. So those were brewing under the surface, and I was
feeling so tired and stressed, and probably just needed a good cry, but instead
I soldiered on, grumping at my kids to hurry, and sort of whining at them, “Why are you guys fighting again?” So of course they were whining back. It was a cranky, miserable houseful of people.

But here’s where the story changed. Usually I would keep going until we were all
miserable, and I yelled at them and they felt like I didn’t love them, just
like Julianne in the book in December. This doesn’t happen that often, but it
usually does happen around March/April at least a few times. I hate that it
does, but it does. So, Praise the Lord, this time, I actually listened to my
own advice. Here are the things that helped me that day:

1. I vacuumed. Okay,  this is weird. But, it did a few things. One, it got me moving to get some of that adrenaline out. Two, it was loud, so I couldn’t talk for a while, which forced me to be quiet and try to pray. Three, it made at least that room look better, which helped me feel a bit better.

One of my friends and mentors said she used to go in the closet until she could calm down.

2.   I gave the kids some chores. I left my toddler strapped in the
high-chair, and had the older two work on the mountain of clutter I had scooped
into the Clutter Basket, and put one thing away, then come back and say, “What’s
my next job, Mom?” and put another piece away, and so on. They were glad to
have something to do to help, because they knew I was stressed, and the room
ended up looking better, which again made me feel less overwhelmed.

3. Called a friend to babysit the kids.
I hate to do this. I hate to admit I can’t do everything, and I need help. It’s hard. But I know from experience that if I ignore these warning signs of snapping at my kids and being impatient that I’m going to yell or hurt someone’s feelings and we’ll all end up in tears. Sometimes Mommy just needs a little time away to get herself together.  

My friend did watch the kids, and I paid her, but I know she would have done it even
if I hadn’t paid her. I’m so thankful to have friends like that. If I didn’t have a friend to watch the kids, I probably would have given up on school or taken the kids to the park, just to get away from the house and change the scene.

4. Cut things off my list.  Once all my errands were done, I sat and ate lunch and prayed about what was going on and what I was feeling stressed about. I knew I needed to lower expectations of myself and cut some things off my list. Here are some things I decided I was not going to worry about:

  •  Backyard landscaping. I had to take roses and backyard off my list. I was feeling like a failure because I had placed these expectations on myself that I had to fix our disaster of a backyard right then. I decided it was not a priority right then and needed to wait. I gave myself permission to ignore it again.
  • Fancy Dinners. My kids would be delighted if I’d serve them pasta and baby carrots every night, so why did I feel like I wasn’t doing my job if I didn’t prepare
    inventive dishes nightly?  My husband wasn’t home for dinner, I was fine eating soup every night, and for the rest of the month, I decided that was okay.
  •  School expectations for next year. I was already thinking about fall and how we could possibly do more. I was considering adding another co-op because it sounded so great. But too much of a good thing stops being a good thing. I decided I wanted to leave some margin in our days: time for playing, reading snuggled up on the couch, and exploring outside. I adjusted my expectations of all of us to be more realistic.

5. Pray! I should have done this earlier! I prayed during lunch about what verse I should repeat to myself when I start feeling all overwhelmed again. I decided on

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:29-30.

Because that’s the real issue, isn’t it? God’s burden is light. It’s all my burdens of
pride I pile on top that become heavy: have a perfect backyard, have a spotless
house, cook an elaborate meal each night, have my children be above grade level
in every subject.

But my children don’t need that, do they? They need a mother who knows Who’s really in charge of all this anyway, who listens to their hearts, is patient with them when they need help with counting, and who will stop barking orders and sit down and give them a hug.

As I looked out on my backyard later that spring, I adjusted my focus.

I chose to ignore the weeds and focus on the blooms.

With my children, and backyard, and life, let me choose to focus on what is there, what is beautiful, and choose joy in that instead of focusing on what isn’t perfect.

I’m so thankful God is patient with me, gentle and humble in heart. He is so gracious to teach me about being a gentle mother, despite my failings, and help me adjust my focus.

Oh Lord, will you lead us mothers to walk humbly with you, not focused on what we
think we need to do to prove that we’re good enough, but accepting your grace,
rained down on us. And help us see it when we need to stop and be refilled, so
we can rain down your grace on our precious children. Help us model love, and patience, humility and grace, so our children can act that way with each other.

In our lives and with our children, help us ignore the weeds and focus on the blooms.

Amen.

Question: What helps you when you are stressed out or overwhelmed? What things have you given yourself permission to not worry about for now?

{ rest }

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Once a month or so, I want to simply share a beautiful picture and words of truth. It is a reminder to all of us to take time and space in this frantic world to take a breath,
drink deeply of God’s goodness, and rest.

Indeed there is no other rock; I know not one. Isaiah 44:8

Canyon de Chelly, Arizona